we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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