About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
