just tell him i said nine months
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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