I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize