If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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