I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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