I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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