my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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