Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
