I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
