she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
