they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize