What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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