I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize