Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
