so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Randomize