hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
