well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
