Betty ford says i'm here all night
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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