he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
