Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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