You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
