God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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