There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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