Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
