i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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