Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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