we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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