they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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