I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
