I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
