Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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