Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
