I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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