I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
