your room smells of hookers.
And success
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
