My sheets look like a crime scene.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
