K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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