Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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