Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
