If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
My ass is underappreciated
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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