Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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