its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
