I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
