But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
