Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
