He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
