I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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