Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize