I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
