A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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