so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
