I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
