is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
