Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
