he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
