If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
