Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
