i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
