After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He did a backflip because drugs
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize