Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
did you just send me my own nude
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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