Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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