'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
