I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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