Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
