honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Randomize
