Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize