you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
