I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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