Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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