Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
