the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
