I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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