I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
