do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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