Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
We got so high we made milksteak
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
