Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
