Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
