You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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