I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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