I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My penis needs a shock collar
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
