Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Randomize
