I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
