Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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