Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Can you bring me the toilet please
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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