Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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