i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
