my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
