Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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