The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
