We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
