i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Randomize
