it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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