You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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