just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize