I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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