just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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