i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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