He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
