I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize