My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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