I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Randomize
