there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
