Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
