Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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