Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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